More and more serious about a permanent change of scenery,
just don't think I can pull it off right now. I'm trying,
not drinking under familiar ceilings, and always away from basements,
saving it for the outdoors and social experimentation.
If I'm not going to do something with the drink in me,
it's only helping old evils with new names sink their teeth in me.
Either way it probably is, but a guy like me needs
that little kick to get the most out of company.
The disease is always the antagonist.
Trying to balance not letting it keep me back
with not letting it kill me quick.
But always still, it becomes an excuse.
I don't know... I talk down.
It's never as bad as it sounds.
I'm not quite to that stale point in life, lying to myself,
where each day I head off for a couple hours
to an out of the way park or some busy center just to feel accomplished.
Though, I have been known to get lost on my own, by foot or by car,
in the times when shut-in days become too much.
Just put some miles between myself and all this.
To its credit it does feel different,
something like living in some little way.
More and more serious about a permanent change of scenery,
lately these heavy fists have been making holes in everything.
I'm trying not to care so much,
doing things I'd have been smart to take up years ago,
letting myself go in places that draw a few smiles on the face,
and giving myself reason to laugh more
at the occasion of sin, or just the damn silliness
of the times, the political process,
the politeness choked out, pulled in and pushed up.
And what's the worst that could happen,
the best to see you through to the end?
These dreams are never the best advance.
Trying to balance not letting them take control
and not completely letting go.
But I still wake up in strange rooms.
Hell, I danced the other evening,
horribly and like a fool,
but I can't see a better way it could have been.
What's the worst that could happen,
the best to see you through to the end?
How many ever wanted to see you naked?
And how many never wanted to see you again?
What's your worst you've let them see you at?
And what's the best you've never let them have?
